The Peer and the Peri
by mynameissirius
Summary: Take one grinning fangirl, add an interesting play, several dashes of cross dressing assassins, and one Schu in a fat suit. Shake! Enjoy!
1. Prologue

First last and only note of disclaimer! Yes that person that's narrating is me. No I'm not going to have   
  
sex with any of the characters, no I am in no shape or form becoming an assassin for the length of the   
  
story. I'm directing. *smirks* Oh yeah and all the rest of the "I don't own this" crap.  
  
The Peer and the Peri  
  
A Play Directed by Rain Ayo  
  
Staring:  
  
THE LORD CHANCELLOR  
  
EARL OF MOUNTARARAT  
  
EARL TOLLOLLER  
  
PRIVATE WILLIS (of the Grenadier Guards)  
  
STREPHON (an Arcadian Shepherd)  
  
QUEEN OF THE FAIRIES  
  
IOLANTHE (a Fairy, Strephon's Mother)  
  
FAIRIES: CELIA, LEILA, FLETA  
  
PHYLLIS (an Arcadian Shepherdess and Ward of Chancery)  
  
Prologue  
  
"FIVE MINUTES EVERYONE!!!" I yelled rushing through the hallway which all the dressing rooms   
  
were located. I could hear some moaning and whining as I passed by a few of the doors. This was so   
  
going to be worth it. I always wanted to direct a major production. Well this hardly was something of   
  
that caliber, but hey you take what you can get. I was getting ready to pound on doors, when the first   
  
of my cast popped his head out of the door.   
  
"Rain-san...I don't think Ran is going to cooperate," Omi said, half in his costume. He was looking   
  
rather skeptical, which isn't a surprise. Ran was pretty pissed off at me when I told him what part he   
  
was playing. The thought still makes me snicker. Boy was he pissed. However, I am the author so   
  
what I say goes and he's just having to deal with that fact.   
  
"Tell Ran that if he DOESN'T cooperate, the next fic I write involves him personally killing Ken with his   
  
bare hands," I said with a smirk. If you can't tell my prefered pairings by the end of this story, then   
  
shame on you. A little bit of threatened angst never hurt anyone. Especially when you threatening to   
  
have THEM be the ones to do the evil awful things to the people they love. I could tell it was effective   
  
enough to bother someone when Omi cringed and rushed off to tell his "charge" for the evening.   
  
Thankfully not everyone was giving me trouble with the play. Omi had taken to the idea quite well. He   
  
was probably just a romantic and liked the story. Hehe, suppose it didn't hurt that he didn't have a   
  
very large part for that matter. He had taken it upon himself to handle Ran, which made my life easier   
  
because there was only one other person that I was having trouble with.  
  
"I WILL NOT DO THIS!" That particular screech of the high pitched sort came out of the last room on   
  
the right. I skipped merrily down the hall to try and listen in. The soothing voice that came through   
  
the door, though not the exact words with it, only managed to prove to me that I'd made a damn good   
  
choice for the part that he would play. Schuldich was a baby and was just being stubborn over the   
  
whole thing. So what if I made him a fat lady. At least he wasn't Ran. Though that logic didn't seem to   
  
work for him.   
  
I opened the door to Farfarfello standing silently to the side while Schu paced the length of the room.   
  
"Really now Schu, do you really need to scream that loud? You're going to start breaking glass," I said   
  
with a snicker. Jade eyes turned to me suddenly with a flare of unsurpressed hate and anger.   
  
Thankfully Fafie was sweet enough to hold him back before he could attack me. "If you don't behave I   
  
won't let you keep all the pictures of everyone else in costume. No performance. No blackmail."  
  
Schu grumbled...a lot. However, I managed to draw him here with the promise of as much blackmail as   
  
he wanted. I even made sure to take a few pictures of Ran dressing before the dress rehersal just so   
  
that Schu could have something good to use against the other red head. "I got pictures of Ran putting   
  
on his make-up and everything for you Schuschu," I said sweetly. "Not to mention a few of Kudou in   
  
much disarray after those few times he thought it be good to show up to rehersal with a hangover and   
  
wearing that stupid wig."   
  
That caught his attention. Youji'd kill me for it later if he found out, but for the moment he doesn't   
  
know so I'm not all that worried. Schu finally yanked his arms free from Farfie's grasp, but didn't attack.   
  
"Ja, ja, ja." He just waved me off and returned to the dressing table and mirror. So I winked at Farfie   
  
and skitted off to check on my other complainers.  
  
"RAIN-SAN!!!!" Ah my other golden child, Aya ran down the hallway in her bright costume looking   
  
quite energetic. Her two compainions, dressed similarly, looked much less happy about their current   
  
situtation. Aya bounced up to me and giggled. "How does 'Nii-san look? He's not complaining too   
  
much is he?"   
  
I laughed. "No he's fine now. He'll be the belle of the ball," I said bringing forth yet another laugh from   
  
the younger girl. Glancing over at the women behind her, I raised a brow. "Come on you two. Its not   
  
that bad. How often do you get to see Ran in a dress?"  
  
Birman was silent, like deadly silent, like silent enough to make me really starting to wonder where she   
  
could hide a gun in that outfit. Manx, thankfully, was a bit more vocal, I think. "We look like   
  
HUSSIES!" Manx seethed.   
  
It was a moment, when the written word would have been so much clearer. "..." I coughed politely and   
  
glanced at the costumes. They were wearing more then I had when I did the play back in high school.   
  
"I'll tell you exactly what the director told us when we did this show in high school. That," I made a   
  
vague gesture to their lack of apparell, "sells tickets." That unfortunately isn't a joke. Anyone care to   
  
know why his nickname was "Bones." I digress...  
  
Birman twitched. Manx rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. I would have said more, but Aya took   
  
care of it for me. "You're both wearing more now then you usually do," she said sweetly. Ah if I knew   
  
I wouldn't've gotten my head chopped open I woulda just given Aya-chan a big wet one right there.   
  
Hehe, I'll convert her yet. Manx just gaped at the sweet girl, and Birman shook her head with a sigh.   
  
"Can we please get this over with?" Birman asked. Looking more then ready to go now. I eyed my   
  
watch and nodded. Less then a minute till showtime. Which meant I needed to get to my spot for the   
  
evening.   
  
"PLACES EVERYONE!!!" 


	2. Act One Scene 1

A note about Gilbert and Sulivan before I begin. These guys wrote operettas a very long time ago, so   
they're plenty on the old side. Which as I've been told means that they really don't have much in the   
way of copyrights. I'm assuming this is the way this works. Also these plays were not written to be   
serious to begin with. Many recent preformances have the script adapted with "in jokes" for the   
times. Most of the dialogue will be straight from the script. Though I'm sure you'll be able to pick out   
the "in jokes" as they pop up.   
  
Last note, it will help you well a bit to know of the characters from the drama series Crashers and Ran.   
All of the Crashers have parts in the play albeit very small ones. You don't necessarily have to know   
them, but it might be more amusing for you if you do.   
  
The Peer and the Peri  
A Play Directed by Rain Ayo  
Staring:  
  
THE LORD CHANCELLOR  
EARL OF MOUNTARARAT  
EARL TOLLOLLER  
PRIVATE WILLIS (of the Grenadier Guards)  
STREPHON (an Arcadian Shepherd)  
QUEEN OF THE FAIRIES  
IOLANTHE (a Fairy, Strephon's Mother)  
FAIRIES: CELIA, LEILA, FLETA  
PHYLLIS (an Arcadian Shepherdess and Ward of Chancery)  
  
Act One Scene 1  
  
The lights slowly come on as the overture fades into the opening number. Now the fun was really   
going to begin. The stage was set to perfectly replicate an arcadian landscape, just like it says in the   
script. Bushes and little trees and the bridge and the lake running underneath it. It all looked better   
then when it was done by the cheap little high school cast. Of course it did, this is my fic afterall. The   
stage was set perfectly except for one thing. The cast was late.   
  
Well they were until I finally spotted the first of the faries to make their appearance. The perky little   
fellow, dressed completely in rainbow colored translucent fabric, layered into a sort of dress. As if   
that hadn't been enough for him, and I knew it hadn't been, he covered his little pixie wings with   
multicolored glitter. His legs were encased in yellow and black striped stockings and his wrists were   
covered with hundreds of blue and red plastic bracelets. A poofy beret topped it all off in such a   
strange, yet almost fittingly, ridiculous way. This IS Naru we're talking about after all.  
  
He was tugging impatiently on the hand of a much taller and a bit less excited woman. Her own dress   
of layered fabric at least followed a simple pattern of different shades of blue, matching with her hair   
quite nicely. Blue glitter touched up her wings, as well as a bit in her hair, which had been pulled up in   
a somewhat messy ponytail at the top of her head. Tan nylons covered her legs and ended in soft   
blue slippers. Queen looked as elegant as ever, even if she was dressed as something a bit more   
ridiculous then that no front dress she usually wears.   
  
Naru finally managed to get Queen to join him on the stage and the pair were merrily dancing away   
across the stage. Queen had a light spring to her step, while trying quite hard to hold back the   
unfotunately obvious blush of "oh my god I can't believe I'm actually doing this." Naru looked like he   
was going to trip over his own two feet. He completely lacked all grace and probably would have   
fallen several times if Queen hadn't managed to catch him.   
  
Soon after skipped on the last three of the group. Aya wore a sparkling purple concoction, deep   
amethyst purple all the way down the line to a light lavendar. Purple tights covered her legs down to   
cute little matching purple boots. Her hair was pulled out of its usual braids and pulled up into a pair   
of high pigtails, each one with long strands of dark purple ribbon tied around the base of the tail. She   
covered her eye lids with purple glitter and her wings sparkled with all the glitter she'd glued on to   
them.  
  
Manx's red layered dress hung around her frame nicely, non too short nor too long. Her shoulders   
were bare but she wore full length red fingerless gloves. Her hair was pulled back similarly to Queen's   
with strands of red metallic ribbon threaded through the tail. Her wings had a very light dusting of   
glitter on them, catching the light only when she stood just in the right way. Her long legs were   
covered with a pair of skin tight red thigh high boots.   
  
Birman's dress of sea colored fabric hugged her nicely, with sleeves down to her wrists. The frilly   
skirt covered the tops her her knee high blue and green swirled stockings, that ended in soft green   
ballet slippers tied all the way up to her knees. Her hair was piled at top her head in two very small but   
tight buns. Each one covered in green bun covers with long streamers of blue and green tumbling   
from it. Her wings were touched up with sea green paint and glitter.   
  
The five of them did they're little dance across the stage, finally coming to rest in the center, posing in   
a somewhat foolish pattern. Each of them held the hand of their neighbor. They made a sort of ring,   
with Naru, and Aya kneeling on the floor in front of the other three. From there, they started to sing,   
and I had to try really hard not to laugh.  
  
Tripping hither, tripping thither,  
Nobody knows why or whither;  
We must dance and we must sing  
Round about our fairy ring!  
  
Skipping up and away, they widened their ring to a half circle leaving Manx in the center. She   
prissified herself for a moment, playing with her hair and dusting off her gloves. With a wink and a   
quick blown kiss, she bursted into her solo.  
  
We are dainty little fairies,  
Ever singing, ever dancing;  
We indulge in our vagaries  
In a fashion most entrancing.  
If you ask the special function  
Of our never-ceasing motion,  
We reply, without compunction,  
That we haven't any notion!  
  
The remaining faires echoed Manx's comment, "No, we haven't any notion! Any notion!" The dance   
began again as they skipped to their next pose, singing the chours once again. They paused once   
again at stage left, Naru neatly ( well as neatly as Naru could ) sprawled out in front of them all. Aya   
and Manx knelt on one knee one at each end of the short fairy. Queen standing poised behind them   
all. On the opposite side of the stage stood Birman who swept easily into her own solo.  
  
If you ask us how we live,  
Lovers all essentials give--  
We can ride on lovers' sighs,  
Warm ourselves in lovers' eyes,  
Bathe ourselves in lovers' tears,  
Clothe ourselves with lovers' fears,  
Arm ourselves with lovers' darts,  
Hide ourselves in lovers' hearts.  
When you know us, you'll discover  
That we almost live on lover!  
  
Once again the remaining girls echoed the final statement, "Yes, we live on lover!" The chorus   
ranging through one last time for their little finale of sorts. It involved a strange little dance that was   
half elegent ( in the case of the eldest ladies ) and half a stomping disaster ( in the case of the   
youngest pair ), which was as it was supposed to be. The audience seemed to enjoy it, the   
sounds of laughter rang out when Naru finally did trip over his own two feet and land face first.   
  
The song came to its close and Aya helped Naru to a more comfortable sitting position. Queen   
paused to take a seat on a conviently placed prop rock and Manx and Birman stood in the center,   
looking somewhat dejected despite the pleasure that had danced on their faces through their previous   
dance.   
  
Manx sighed with a great dramatic flair and tossed aside a hand. She spoke loudly and clearly, her   
voice dripping with the "pain" she was suddenly feeling at the moment. "Ah, it's all very well, but   
since our Queen banished Iolanthe, fairy revels have not been what they were!" Manx said as the   
fairy Celia.   
  
Birman nodded her agreement, looking equally pained at that moment. "Iolanthe was the life and soul   
of Fairyland. Why, she wrote all our songs and arranged all our dances! We sing her songs and we   
trip her measures, but we don't enjoy ourselves!" the saddened words of Leila fell from Birman's   
mouth.  
  
Celia and Leila weren't the only dejected looking ones, Aya, playing the role of Fleta rushed to her   
"sisters" side. "To think that five-and-twenty years have elapsed since she was banished! What   
could she have done to have deserved so terrible a punishment?" Fleta asked with true curiousity.  
  
Leila placed a finger against her lip in a sign of silence. The others drew closer to her, awaiting the   
secret of their fair Iolanthe's fate. Her face scruntched itself in a cringe and she finally spoke,   
"Something awful! She married a mortal!" She shuddered in seeming disgust, as if saying such   
things allowed could actually make one throw up in the corner.  
  
Fleta just blinked. She was the youngest and a bit on the clueless side. "Oh! Is it injudicious to   
marry a mortal?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.  
  
"Injudicious?" Leila sputtered. She stomped her foot and waved her hands. "It strikes at the root of   
the whole fairy system. By our laws, the fairy who marries a mortal...DIES!"  
  
That brought for a set of gasps from her fellow Fairies. How awful for such a fate to have been laid   
before their beloved Iolanthe. Ceila sputtered in her surprise for a moment before saying, "But   
Iolanthe didn't die!"  
  
"No," spoke the booming voice of the entering Queen of the Fairies. A billowing green dress of the   
layered type fell down past the Queen's feet in a long train. Most of the firey hair was pulled into a   
messy ponytail a top his head, save for a few strands that surrounded his face and jaden eyes. The   
Queen was on the stout side, looking a bit rounder around the waist then usual. He held a loft a might   
wand topped with a large glittering star ( with which to beat people with...had to promise him that too.   
-.- ). His wings were much larger then the other faires, with a much more obvious butterfly shape to   
them.   
  
"No, because your Queen, who loved her with a surpassing love, commuted her sentence to penal   
servitude for life, on condition that she left her husband and never communicated with him again!" the   
Queen said with a pained sigh, coming to a stop beside her group of Faries.   
  
Leila rushed to her queen's side. "That sentence of penal servitude she is now working out, on her   
head, at the bottom of that stream!" the fairy said with a sigh of her own.  
  
"Yes, but when I banished her, I gave her all the pleasant places of the earth to dwell in. I'm sure I   
never intended that she should go and live at the bottom of a stream! It makes me perfectly wretched   
to think of the discomfort she must have undergone!" the redhaired queen brought a hand to his   
chest as if his own heart hurt at such horrible thoughts.  
  
Leila turned the others with a thought. "Think of the damp! And her chest was always so delicate."   
the eldest fairy said with a slight gasp. Oh what a wretched thought.  
  
The Queen took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. "And the frogs!" the words came out thick   
with disgust. He shuddered at the thoughts of his least favorite of all creatures. "Ugh! I never shall   
enjoy any peace of mind until I know why Iolanthe went to live among the frongs!"  
  
Fleta, all eyes and cute, rushed to the Queen's other side. "Then why not summon her and ask her?"   
she asked, folding her hands under her chin. The others gathering around likewise.  
  
The Queen eyed the puppy eyes he was getting from his subjects. He would crack under such strain.   
"Why? Because if I set eyes on her I should forgive her at once!" he said, stepping back a step away   
from the pleading eyes.  
  
Ceila fell down to her knees now begging her queen for the pardon of their beloved Iolanthe. "Then   
why not forgive her?" she asked. "Twenty-five years--its a long time."   
  
Leila chirping her accent beside her. "Think of how we loved her!" she begged.  
  
The queen drew himself up to stare down at her now kneeling subjects. Such words from them, those   
who knew nothing of the heart that lied deep in the imposing queen's chest. "Loved her?" he spoke   
in moking tones. "What was YOUR love to mine!" His face took on an almost wistful look, as   
memories surfaced. "Why, she was invaluable to me! Who taught me to curl myself inside a   
buttercup? Iolanthe! Who taught me to swing upon a cobweb? Iolanthe! Who taught me to dive   
into a dewdrop--to nestle in a nutshell--to gambol upon gossamer? Iolanthe!" The words poured   
forth, each with their own charaded movements.  
  
Leila turned to the nearest sister and giggled. Don't you think that sounded ridiculous? "She   
certainly did surprising things!" she said bringing forth more giggles.  
  
Fleta hushed her sisters' giggling as she tugged on the Queen's hand. "Oh please great queen! Give   
her back to us, for your sake, if not for hours!" she pleaded, turning on those puppy dog eyes for all   
she was worth.  
  
The Queen looked worriedly at his subjects. He tried to strengthen his will against such an   
onslaught. "Oh, I should be strong, but I am weak," she said slumping down a bit. Resolution   
returned and he straightened himself. "I should be marble, but I am clay!" He sighed once more and   
helped Fleta up, taking hold of the hand that rested on his own. "Her punishment has been heavier   
then I intended. I did not mean that she should live among the frogs and--well, well, it shall be as you   
wish--it shall be as you wish!" 


	3. Act One Scene 2

In an attempt to revamp something that I haven't written on in absolutely forever, I finally have this part completed and the rest is slowly on its way. I'm tempted to post several stories at once and see how that works. Who knows. Anyway, the odds are my Youji Autobio and this one are probably going to be my major projects.   
  
Questions? Comments? You know where to go.  
  
The Peer and the Peri  
  
A Play Directed by Rain Ayo  
  
Staring:  
  
THE LORD CHANCELLOR  
  
EARL OF MOUNTARARAT  
  
EARL TOLLOLLER  
  
PRIVATE WILLIS (of the Grenadier Guards)  
  
STREPHON (an Arcadian Shepherd)  
  
QUEEN OF THE FAIRIES - as played by Schuldig  
  
IOLANTHE (a Fairy, Strephon's Mother)  
  
FAIRIES: CELIA, LEILA, FLETA - as played by Manx, Birman, and Aya-chan  
  
PHYLLIS (an Arcadian Shepherdess and Ward of Chancery)  
  
Act One Scene 2  
  
The fairies all squealed their excitement, at which the Queen really couldn't hold back his wince at the sound. Fleta was about two inches away from his ear, I suppose I can let him slid for that one. ^_~ The fairies danced in little rings of two and three for a bit while the Queen began to make his way to the back of the stage. He stepped up onto the bridge, with the other fairies trailing in behind him.   
  
Waving his oversized golden wand above the fabric water below, a convient stage hand that no one could see began to make the "water" wave gently. In a rich contralto the Queen bellowed, "Iolanthe! From thy dark exile thou art summoned. Come to our call--come, come, Iolanthe!"  
  
Leila and Ceila each rang their own calls, before the fairies as one echoed the queen's call. "Come to our call, Iolanthe, Iolanthe, come!"  
  
A faint mist seeped onto the stage acting a slight cover as the hooded figure slowly appeared as if from the depths of the water below. Covered from head to foot in long strings of greenery, the hung head was not visable. A small, pain filled voice came from under the cover.  
  
With humbled breast  
  
And every hope laid low,  
  
To thy behest,  
  
Offended Queen, I bow!  
  
The Queen stepped down from the bridge, coming around to stand beside the sad looking form. He was stern as he looked down at the kneeling figure.   
  
For a dark sin against our fairy laws  
  
We sent thee into life-long banishment;  
  
But mercy holds her sway within our hearts--  
  
Rise--thou art pardoned!  
  
The fairies gathered round the bedraggled outcast, quickly divulging the brightening figure of all the garbage. With the covering gone the figure stood, his bright sapphire eyes turned out to the audience with joy. Short golden hair encircled a shining face, prinklings of baby's breath rested in his hair.. A long white dress rested on his shoulders, appearing a bit like a wedding dress missing its veil. "Pardoned!"  
  
Pardoned!  
  
The fairies danced round their long since gone sister. He laughed and they paused long enough for hugs to be passed around to all. This was a joyous day for them all. They're band was once again complete.  
  
Welcome to our hearts again,  
  
Iolanthe! Iolanthe!  
  
We have shared thy bitter pain,  
  
Iolanthe! Iolanthe!  
  
Every heart and every hand  
  
In our loving little band  
  
Welcomes thee to Fairyland,  
  
Iolanthe!  
  
They settled themselves once again, the Queen making a throne out of that conviently placed rock. Iolanthe just at his feet, leaning against the emerald dress. A sweet ( man is he a good actor if he can make THAT convincing ) smile touched the Queen's lips as he ran a gentle hand through the golden locks. I know he's gonna get hit for that one later after that bang that sounds from offstage. Something tells me that Schu decided to rub it in Youji's face, and from the wink that the german sends my way even in the back of the auditorium, I know my theory is correct.  
  
"And now, tell me, with all the the world to choose from, why on earth did you decide to live at the bottom of that stream?" the Queen asked, obvious distress in his voice. He couldn't even begin to understand what would bring Iolanthe to do such a thing.  
  
Iolanthe just smiled sweetly up at the Queen. "To be near my son, Strephon," he said. It was as if it was as obvious as the fact that he was a woman, or...something like that.  
  
The fairies were all taken aback. This was new news for them. Iolanthe had been with child and none of them even noticed. Signs of dense faires? I think so. "Bless my heart, I didn't you know you had a son," the Queen said.  
  
Iolanthe sat up and turned to all her sisters. "He was born soon after I left my husband by your royal command--but he does not even know of his father's existence," she said. She looked a bit sad at that. His beloved son going through his whole life without ever knowing his father had always worried Iolanthe. He deserved to know.  
  
Fleta perked up. She was always interested in hearing tales of new boys. "How old is he?" she asked, tugging on Iolanthe's sleeve excitedly.  
  
"Twenty-four."  
  
Leila giggled. "Twenty-four! No one, to look at you would think you had a son of twenty-four! But that's one of the advantages of being immortal. We never grow old!" the sea colored fairy said, preening for a moment. "Is he pretty?"  
  
Iolanthe nodded happily. "He's extremely pretty, but he's inclined to be stout," he said. Just a light shrug, it hardly mattered to him. Strephon was his baby. He would always be beautiful in Iolanthe's eyes.  
  
The other fairies weren't so impressed however, letting out a collective, "oh..." The Queen sputtered, looking a bit embarassed. "I see no objection to stoutness, in moderation." He wasn't fat. No, he was perfect, skinny, deathly so. He was going to kill the author for her sick twisted ideas, and that's not me talking anymore. I don't think Schu's going to get his blackmail.  
  
The Queen squeaked as Ceila pressed on for more information. "And what is he?" she asked curiously.  
  
"He's an Arcadian shepherd--and he loves Phyllis, a Ward in Chancery," Iolanthe said. Oh was Strephon ever in love with Phyllis. He was so cute when he came to the lake with new tales of picnics and romantic walks in the moonlight.  
  
Once again, the fairies were quite unimpressed. "A mere shepherd and he half a fairy," she scoffed, turning away from her eldest sister. Why couldn't he have been a really hot lord or something?  
  
Iolanthe placed a hand on Ceila's shoulder. "He's a fairy down to the waist--but his legs are mortal," he said, drawing a collective "aww" from the other fairies. Perhaps they felt pity for the boy who'd grown into a fairy to the waist, or maybe they just didn't get it. You really could never tell with them.  
  
The Queen ahemed softly, drawing all the attention back to himself as it should be. "I have no reason to suppose that I am more curious then other people, but I confess I should like to see a person who is a fairy down to the waist, but who's legs are mortal," he said with a slight tilt of his red head.  
  
Iolanthe rushed to his feet, as if hearing something far off in the distance. Sweet laughter bubbled forth joyfully and he turned to his Queen. "Nothing easier, for here he comes!" he said excitedly.  
  
The sound of a merry flute sounded from off stage, marking the entrance of Strephon. The brown haired boy skipped merrily to his mother's side, a recorder like instrument in his mouth. It was a shame that he couldn't actually PLAY the thing, but hey that's what the orchestra was for right? He wore a loose tunic with a belt round his waist. A wrap of fur went across one shoulder to be tucked into the belt on the opposite side. All earth tones down to the tights he wore and the little pointy toed shoes. He beamed through messy hair that covered his chocolate colored eyes. He bowed deeply to his mother before spouting out his hellos.  
  
Good morrow, good mother!  
  
Good mother, good morrow!  
  
By some means or other,  
  
Pray banish your sorrow!  
  
With joy beyond telling  
  
My bosom is swelling,  
  
So join in a measure  
  
Expressive of pleasure,  
  
For I'm to be married to-day--to-day--  
  
Yes, I'm to be married to-day!  
  
His mirth was contageous and the fairies were soon giggling and dancing along to his tune. Spinning in little rings around the groom and his mother happily, they echoed his words. "Yes, he's to be married to-day--to-day--Yes, he's to be married to-day!" they sang with high pitched girly giggles.  
  
Taking hold of his son's hands, Iolanthe looked up at him excited at her son's announcement. "Then the Lord Chancellor has at last given his consent to your marriage with his beautiful ward, Phyllis?" he asked, huge blue eyes sparkling for all they were worth.  
  
Poor Strephon turned away with a great dramatic sigh. "Not he, indeed. To all my tearful prayers he answers me, 'A shepard boi is not fit to marry anyone in my bower.' I stood in court, and there I sang him songs of the Koneko no Sumie, with my flute as accompaniment--in vain. At first he seemed amused, so did the Bar; but quickly wearying on my song and pipe, bade me get out. A little girl who very much so looked like someone I knew and had a undying desire for someone else I knew, led me, still singing, out onto the King's Cross. I'll go no more; I'll marry her to-day, and brave the upshot, be what it may!" He waved his fist in the air, with determination clearly written on his face. He suddenly stopped, as if suddenly realizing he'd had an audience since the moment he stepped on stage. He blinked for a moment, giving the audience the clear impression of staring. Which really seemed to piss Ceila off, but that wasn't in the script and neither was the staring so we're just going to run with it. "Who, my dear mother, are these lovely ladies?"  
  
Iolanthe immediatly bounced from the worried look he'd gained from his son's previous speech, to his cheerful bouncing excitement. "Oh, Strephon! Rejoice with me, my Queen has pardoned me!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Pardoned you, mother? This is good news indeed!" Strephon said. He hugged the smaller male tightly, rejoicing in the news quite nicely.  
  
"And these ladies are my beloved sisters," Iolanthe said motioning to the other fairies. They all quickly preened and prettified themselves as only women can do. They waved and giggled at him, trying to look cute and not obviously flirting.  
  
"Your sisters," he said looking them all over. "Then they are...my aunts!" The fairies giggled once more and proceeded to shower them with welcoming light hugs and pecks on the cheek. Its all right if its in the family after all.  
  
The Queen puffed, no was paying attention to him again. He's the Queen there's something wrong with this! "A pleasant piece of news for your bride on her wedding day," he said stepping out from behind the giggling fairies.   
  
Strephon waved his hands. "Hush!" He looked sheepish and scratched at the back of his head. "My bride knows nothing of my fairyhood. I dare not tell her, lest I frighten her. She thinks me mortal, and prefers me so." he said. Yeah the idea of spouting out his fairyhood seemed pretty ridiculous to the half mortal. Who the heck would believe him in the first place?  
  
Leila wasn't impressed to say the least. She shook her head and said, "Your fairyhood doesn't seem to have done you any good."  
  
"Much good!" Strephon spat out in his annoyment. His arms flailing with every point he made. "My dear aunt, its the curse of my existance. What's the use of being half a fairy? My body can creep through a keyhole, but what's the good of that when my legs are left kicking behind? My brain is a fairy brain, but from the waist downwards I'm a gibbering idiot. My upper half is immortal, but my lower half grows older every day, and some day or other must die of old age. What's to become of my upper half when I've buried my lower half I really don't know!" He slumped his shoulders dejectedly and put on a sad pout.  
  
The faires around him chattered, "Oh the poor dear..."  
  
The Queen hummed loudly. Tapping a long finger against his chin, he inspected the young man briefly. "I see your difficulty, but with a fairy brain you should seek an intellectual sphere of action. Let me see. I've a borough or two at my disposal. Would you like to go into Parliament?"  
  
Iolanthe's eyes widened with pleasure. "A fairy member! That would be delightful!" Oh what an honor to be the mother of the first fairy member of parliament.  
  
Strephon, however, did not appear as convinced. "I'm afraid I should do no good there--you see, down to the waist, I'm a as pure as any member of today's society, but my legs are as corrupt as any Takatori in the land, and, on a division, they'd be sure to take me down the wrong path. You see, they're two to one, which is a strong working majority."   
  
"Maa, maa!" The Queen shook his red hair and patted Strephon lightly on the shoulder. "Don't let that distress you; you shall be placed in the Independent party, and your legs shall be in OUR-" He paused only for a moment, adding new meaning to the line with only a hint of a smirk. "-personal care."  
  
Strephon twitched just slightly under that gaze. "Uhh...I see your Majesty does not do things by halves," he said in an attempt to hide the flush that was hitting his cheeks.   
  
A crash could be heard off stage, causing everyone on the stage to blink and peer off stage. The only one who did not was the Queen, who paced around Strephon slowly and said, "No, you see we are fairies down to the feet." As he passed around behind Strephon, the brunette squeaked and jumped slightly. Having turned his face completely red, it seemed the Queen had done just as he wanted. The only thing saving him from the scene being ruined was thankfully the return of the music, pushing the scene forward whether anyone liked it or not.  
  
Gathering his fairies around him, the Queen said his farewell. "Fare thee well, attractive stranger." His fairies echoed his sentiments, collecting themselves and returning to their proper flirting nature. More then one of them seemed relieved that they were leaving the stage now, and for more then the reason of their costumes now.   
  
Shouldst thou be in doubt or danger,  
  
Peril or perplexitee,  
  
Call us, and we'll come to thee!  
  
Offering his services if needed in the future, was his cue to leave. His fairies returned to their happy dance and made their way across the stage to take their leave as well.  
  
Aye! Call us, and we'll come to thee!  
  
Tripping hither, tripping thither,  
  
Nobody knows why or whither;  
  
We must now be taking wing To another fairy ring!  
  
Following the Queen off the stage, Leila and Ceila were the first to escape backstage. Most likely they were both livid with not only their forced performance, but the Queen's...sidestepping from the proper script. The third secretary was right behind them. Fleta was about to leave as well when she noticed that bomb boy had decided to take a bit too long in his dance, prancing around not really paying attention that he was supposed to have left the stage by now. I could see the bead of sweat floating above her head, as she grabbed him by the collar and proceed to drag him off the stage.  
  
Iolanthe and Strephon bid one another their own private goodbyes. In which they hugged, and Iolanthe whispered something to Strephon that I'm sure had something to do with just staying calm and not jumping to the Queen's bait. With a final wave goodbye, Strephon was left alone on the stage. 


	4. Act One Scene 3

Wow, I have someone actually reading this. Go figure. ^_^;;;; Ummm...to Snowshoe who's been kind enough to comment all over the place for me, I don't mind in the least if you use this for an audition piece. Let me know how it goes now. ^_~ Also to anyone that is at all lost, I found the link to the full script that I've been using for reference as I write all of this. ( ) That should come in handy for anyone interested in making sense of the mumbo jumbo that I've been writing.  
  
Oh and now onto the intro I'd wrote before noticing that people were commenting.  
  
Welcome back to those of you who are still with us. If you're impatient to see whom everyone else is, then come no further. All but one character will be introduced at this point, and the last one is one of my favorites. But if you don't know the story, I'm not planning on giving anything away. ^_~ As you may have noticed, I've left the character listing at the beginning of every chapter. This is for the off chance that you forget who is who.   
  
Direct any questions or comments to my email box or leave a review and I'll see if I can clear things up ASAP and all that jazz.  
  
The Peer and the Peri  
A Play Directed by Rain Ayo  
Staring:  
  
THE LORD CHANCELLOR  
EARL OF MOUNTARARAT  
EARL TOLLOLLER  
PRIVATE WILLIS   
STREPHON - as played by Ken  
QUEEN OF THE FAIRIES - as played by Schuldig  
IOLANTHE - as played by Omi  
FAIRIES: CELIA, LEILA, FLETA - as played by Manx, Birman, and Aya-chan  
PHYLLIS   
  
The stage was excessively silent, as the conductor was waiting for his cue. This was the part that would least likely work. He hadn't even gotten on stage yet, the big chicken. Thankfully, I knew it would be two against one while Omi and Aya-chan pleaded with him. If Omi's big puppy dog eyes didn't work, or even Aya-chan's for that matter, a combined effort on their parts would make him crack.  
  
Just as I was about to go down there myself to make sure it happen, since Strephon was starting to look around like he didn't want to be alone on the stage, the music finally cut in. A light and happy flute drifted around the room. Enter our leading "lady," wearing a short puffy sleeved white blouse with a deep red corset-like vest over it, and a red and white plaid skirt over several layers of crinoline to give it that extra poof. Over his deep cherry red hair sat a cute bonnet decorated with several wildflowers. He opened his mouth to greet his lover with a song.  
  
Good morrow, good lover!  
Good lover, good morrow!  
I prithee discover,  
Steal, purchase, or borrow  
Some means of concealing  
The care you are feeling,  
And join in a measure  
Expressive of pleasure,  
For we're to be married to-day--to-day!  
Yes, we're to be married to-day!  
  
Strephon rushed to his red headed lover's side, taking both his hands in his own, echoing his sentiments happily. "Yes, we're to be married to-day!" He hugged his slightly disgrunted looking lady and spun him around. "My Phyllis! And to-day we are to be happy for ever."  
  
Phyllis didn't looked convinced, and I'm sure it wasn't because of his acting. "Well, we're to be married," he said with a slight shrug.  
  
Strephon's mood couldn't be broken by anything however, he couldn't lose his happy grin. "It's the same thing!"   
  
Perhaps excitement was contagious, but I could have sworn he managed to lighten up just slightly. "I suppose it is," he said, looking down at his lover. "But...Strephon, I tremble at the step I'm taking! I believe it's penal servitude for life to marry a Ward of Court without the Lord Chancellor's consent! I shall be of age in two years. Don't you think you could wait two years?"  
  
"Two years! Have you, my dear, every looked into a mirror?" Strephon asked shocked at such a question. He began digging into one of his pockets.  
  
Phyllis turned away coyly. "Oh...no, never." Trying to look innocent and failing miserably, he just fluffed his hair and glanced back at Strephon.  
  
Finally finding it, he pulled out a small hand mirror. "Now here, look at that," he said handing over the mirror. "Now tell me if you think its rational to expect me to wait two years?"  
  
Phyllis took the offered mirror from Strephon and looked at himself in it. He grinned at himself and preened a bit more. "Oh dear no. You're quite right--it is asking too much. One must be reasonable," he said offering the mirror back.  
  
The mirror was returned to his pocket, as Strephon continued sounding a bit worried. "Besides, who know what will happen in two years? Why, you might fall in love with the Lord Chancellor himself by that time!"  
  
Thinking of her caretaker brought another smile to his face. "Yes. He is a pleasant OLD gentleman." The smile turned into a grin. Something told me the Lord Chancellor wasn't going to like being referred to as an old man. Even if that was in the script.  
  
Strephon began to pace, oblivious to the look on his lovers face and the likelihood of trouble being caused by his words. "As it is, half the House of Lords are falling at you feet like love struck idiots!" he said flinging his arms up in the air.  
  
The grin just kept getting wider as this conversation carried on. "The House of Lords are certainly extremely attentive," Phyllis said.  
  
Spinning back around, Strephon rushed over to Phyllis. "Attentive? I should think they were! Why did all of the Takatori clan show up at your front door step the day you had that insignificant allergy attack? All of them trying to help cure your 'illness.' And why did Kritiker's best men feel it absolutely necessary to carry you around the day that you had stubbed your toe? No, no--delays are dangerous, and if we are to marry, the sooner the better."  
  
The music flittered across the stage again and Phyllis wrapped his lover in his arms. Pulling apart, he grabbed hold of Strephon's hands and thus began the fluffy romantic duet of the first act.  
  
None shall part us from each other,  
One in life and death are we:  
All in all to one another--  
I to thee and thou to me!  
  
Now this would be the cue for all the sparkles and flowery arches around the pair, had this been actually an anime. For the moment I suggest you picture that, simply cause without it, the scene isn't all that interesting. It's just the two of them singing to one another.  
  
Thou the tree and I the flower--  
Thou the idol; I the throng--  
Thou the day and I the hour--  
Thou the singer; I the song!  
  
Strephon took them over to that conveniently placed rock, motioning for Phyllis to sit there. He got down on one knee before resuming the song for his verse.  
  
All in all since that fond meeting  
When, in joy, I woke to find  
Mine the heart within thee beating,  
Mine the love that heart enshrined!  
  
And one more time in chorus with one another surrounded by all those cutesy shojo sparkles.  
  
Thou the stream and I the willow--  
Thou the sculptor; I the clay--  
Thou the Ocean; I the billow--  
Thou the sunrise; I the day!  
  
With that the two happy lovebirds made their exit together looking overly happy and much in love. Thank kami...I was having trouble not keeling over with all of that diabetes inducing fluff.  
  
At their exit the signs of the forest slowly pulled away. Everything was on a pull cord for easy clean ups. The river pulled back off stage and with the bridge. The conveniently placed rock moved behind stage and the background of the pretty forest pulled away to reveal the House of Peers. Those of well to do birth that compose half of England's current Parliamentary system.   
  
The trumpet blared and the last of the set moved into place. A large throne like chair was pulled onto the stage to rest upstage center. A small desk was pulled out by a fairly pleasant looking young man. He was dressed in fairly plain clothing, a dress jacket and pants of a dull grey. As he finishes fixing his desk he winked and tossed a paper airplane into the audience.   
  
I'll add right now that there's a lot of red tape when trying to reviving a dead character, even for a parody.  
  
And now we have the entrance of those of noble birth. They slowly begin to file in as the secretary takes his seat behind his desk. Stage left enters a tall brunette in full regal finery. He wore all earthen brown tones, accented by emerald green embroidery. His face was all hard angles, that would have been more then enough to leave women swooning in his wake if it were not for the absolutely scruffy nature of his beard. He grinned and winked into the audience. He'd certainly been interested when I told him his part in it all. He took to it all very well, which was always good.  
  
Stage right we have a pleasant looking pair, one blonde the other a much more neat looking brunette. The blonde had a certain air to him that made heads turn for a second glance. He was perhaps not the most attractive man alive, but there was a certain beauty to his appearance that reflected deeply in his eyes. He wore all deep blue tones accented by silver embroidery.   
  
As for his walking partner, he was a smiling gentleman. His eyes sparkled happily behind small wire framed glasses. He was by far the more trimmed and proper of the two brunettes. He was the first to bow a greeting as they stopped center stage to meet the other peer. He was elegant even in a simpler version of what his companions wore in deep green.  
  
The final pair came on stage from opposite ends, fitting for two who were always in competition with one another. The tall black haired man stood impassively at center stage, with the others but seemingly separated from them as well. He wore all black with gold embroidery, giving off a villainous air, that I couldn't strip from him. I didn't win the wardrobe war, but I'm still trying to figure out why he'd even agreed to play the part in the first place. Best not to question anything with him.  
  
The other was the shortest member of the group, and most likely the walking angst. His light brown hair sat somewhat mussed on his hair, in a way that simply spoke of age. Even in his youth, he managed to give off a definate air of competence. He wore matching formal wear in a light grey blue accented in deep tones of sapphire.   
  
Their introduction music was quickly coming to a close. They glanced at one another as if collecting agreement from all members. Once the agreement was collected they burst forth with their introduction.  
  
Loudly let the trumpet bray!  
Tantantara!  
Proudly bang the sounding brasses!  
Tzing! Boom!  
As upon its lordly way  
This unique procession passes,  
Tantantara! Tzing! Boom!  
Bow, bow, ye lower middle classes!  
Bow, bow, ye tradesmen, bow, ye masses!  
Blow the trumpets, bang the brasses!  
Tantantara! Tzing! Boom!  
We are peers of highest station,  
Paragons of legislation,  
Pillars of the British nation!  
Tantantara! Tzing! Boom!  
  
Now normally this number is full of ridiculous dancing, kick lines, and peers walking about like funny looking roosters. Its something that for the effect makes it rather clear to those of us in the audience, that they are complete and total idiots. However in favor of those of you fangirls that are sitting there behind your computers looking for some sort of dirty fanfic about your favorite character, I give you this. No primping and posing, no silly dancing. Just these five men standing on stage looking their finest in clothing that's straight out of Lestat or Louis's wardrobe from Interview with the Vampire, frock cloaks and all. Enjoy it while you can. I won't promise that they will look like idiots later.  
  
The music began anew, this time announcing the presense of the Lord Chancellor of the House. His tall and lanky form was covered in heavy robes of rank and prestige. His normally long blonde hair is covered with an amusingly messy curled white wig, golden strands peaked out from under the wig. He wore an obvious grin, as he strolled onto the stage. The peers already on the stage stepped aside to allow space for their leader. He straightened robes that didn't need any more fixing and thus began his own introductory song.  
  
The Law is the true embodiment  
Of everything that's excellent.  
It has no kind of fault or flaw,  
And I, my Lords, embody the Law.  
The constitutional guardian I  
Of pretty young Wards in Chancery,  
All very agreeable girls--and none  
Are under the age of eighteen.  
A pleasant occupation for  
A rather good-looking Chancellor!  
  
But though the compliment implied  
Inflates me with legitimate pride,  
It nevertheless can't be denied  
That it has its inconvenient side.  
For I'm still quite young, and not so plain,  
And I'm quite prepared to marry again,  
But there'd be hell to pay with the Lords  
If I fell in love with one of my Wards!  
Which rather tries my temper, for  
I'm such a sexy-looking Chancellor!  
  
And every one who'd marry a Ward  
Must come to me for my accord,  
And in my court I sit all day,  
Giving pretty young girls away,  
With one for him--and one for he--  
And one for you--and one for ye--  
And one for thou--and one for thee--  
But never, oh, never a one for me!  
Which is exasperating for  
A highly attractive Chancellor!  
  
The pleased demenor of the Lord Chancellor plumeted as the song went one. Finally he wore a rather dejected look on his face as he turned and went to sit in his throne in the center of the stage. Lord Tolloller ahem-ed drawing the attention to his small form. "If I may my Lords, to the business of the day," he prompted looking very much so ready to get the ball rolling.  
  
"By all means," the Lord Chancellor said waving his hand. If it were possible for him to look anymore dejected, then he did now. "Now Phyllis, who is one of the lovely maidens that I have under my care, has so powerfully affected your Lordships, that you have appealed to me in a body to give her to whichever one of you she may think proper to select, and a noble Lord has just gone to her cottage to request her immediate attendance." He motioned vaguely to a now obviously missing Mountararat.   
  
The Chancellor stood and began a small pace in front of his chair. "It would be idle to deny that I, myself, have the misfortune to be singularly attracted to this vision of red hair and deep amethyst eyes and.." Thoughts of said beauty sent him spiraling into a momentary reverie. It only lasted a moment before he collected himself. "My thoughts of her are beginning to have an effect on my work. Three months ago, I was the the favorite of everyone at the Koneko no Sumie. I need say no more. If I could make it work with my every day playboy routine, I would undoubtably award her to myself, for I can think of no man who is capable of satisfying her. In bed of course." He turned to all of his Lords, grinning like a playboy should. Needless to say the opinion was NOT one that was shared by the other peers, however he is in charge so there were the polite "oh of course" that made him puff his chest a little more.  
  
"However since it is not something that I could concievably make work to suit myself," he began with a sigh and his ego fading, "I wave my claim."  
  
Coughing to draw the attention of the crowd his way, Montararat slid his glasses to their proper resting place at the top of his nose. "My Lord, I wish to announce that I have succeeded in my request for the young person to present herself to this House," he said motioning behind him as he moved back to his previous place on the stage.  
  
The music returned with a flare as Phyllis returned to the stage. He tried to cover his scowl at his continued predicament. Failing that he just moved to the Chancellor's side and feignted his happiness. "My well-loved Lord and guardian dear, you summoned me, and I am here!" he sang taking the Chancellor's hands in his own.  
  
As soon as he'd stepped on the stage, the Peers looked almost ready to burst. Ah, the object of much talk and fantasy finally before them, perhaps even in reach. "Oh, rapture, how beautiful! How gentle--how dutiful!" they sang practically falling all over one another in their pleasure.  
  
Showing more restraint the others were quite easily, Tolloller walked calmly to Phyllis and bowed to him before offering him a hand. Leading the lovely lady to front center stage, he began to sing.  
  
Of all the young ladies I know  
This pretty young lady's the fairest;  
Her lips have the rosiest show,  
Her eyes are the richest and rarest.  
Her origin's lowly, it's true,  
Of birth and position she needs none;  
But she has grammar and spelling for two,  
And beauty and behaviour for twenty!  
Her origin's lowly, it's true,  
But she has grammar and spelling for two;  
And beauty and behaviour for twenty!  
  
His fellow peers were quick to echo his sentiments, offering hands of their own to steal him away from Tolloller. They spun him around and left him in the hands of the dark and grinning Mountararat.   
  
Though we of the House have diverged  
On every conceivable motion,  
All questions of Party are merged  
In a frenzy of love and devotion;  
If you ask us distinctly to say  
What Party we claim to belong to,  
We reply, without doubt or delay,  
The Party I'm singing this song to!  
  
Mountararat cooed to the redhead, a viscious grin spread across his face. I was almost afraid to ask what would make him that...happy about turning Aya of all people into new shades of red. He most certainly looked gave off the firm vibe of power and control in that moment that was appropriate for someone of blue blood.  
  
Finally the singing peers gave him a moment to breath and he stepped away from them all to collect himself. He stood by his guardian, who at the moment was checking out his pretty behind in that cute skirt, pretending not to notice his stare.  
  
I'm very much pained to refuse,  
But I'll stick to my pipes and my tabors;  
I can spell all the words that I use,  
And my grammar's as good as my neighbours'.  
As for birth--I was born like the rest,  
My behaviour is rustic but hearty,  
And I know where to turn for the best,  
When I want a particular Party!  
  
Pleased with his own answer, even if none of the peers appeared to be, he smiled at the Lord Chancellor briefly. Tolloller and Mountararat drew close to him, one on eachside, with a sad sigh. The two peers looked at one another and sang to one another, "Though her station is none of the best, I suppose she was born like the rest; and she knows where to look for her hearty, when she wants a particular Party!"  
  
Phyllis pouted, this wasn't going as he had hoped. He wasn't stupid enough to not notice that he had all of these wealthy men of noble birth practically fall over themselves to get to him, but he had someone already. Strephan was number one in his book and money and power wasn't going to change that for him. "Don't try to sway my mind, I will not be bound by rank; for virtue is only found in those who can live without power," he declared proudly.  
  
Puffing themselves out like ridiculous peacocks, the peers were all indignant over her accusation. Tolloller took Phyllis by the hand once again, leading him to stage front. His fellow peers flanked behind him. They turned to him and to one another saying, "No, no; indeed high rank will never hurt you, the Peerage is not destitute of virtue." Then pausing only a brief moment, to let out a small cough to clear his throat, Tolloller began his solo.   
  
Spurn not the nobly born  
With love affected,  
Nor treat with virtuous scorn  
The well-connected.  
High rank involves no shame--  
We boast an equal claim  
With him of humble name  
To be respected!  
Blue blood! blue blood!  
When virtuous love is sought  
Thy power is naught,  
Though dating from the Flood,  
Blue blood! Ah, blue blood!  
  
What Tolloller lacked in physical presense, his words more then made up for it. He was so small in comparision to the other peers, but he was obviously respected and looked up to. His soft but smooth voice, had even the decided heart of Phyllis wavering with his sincerity.  
  
Spare us the bitter pain  
Of stern denials,  
Nor with low-born disdain  
Augment our trials.  
Hearts just as pure and fair  
May beat in Belgrave Square  
As in the lowly air  
Of Seven Dials!  
Blue blood! blue blood!  
Of what avail art thou  
To serve us now?  
Though dating from the Flood,  
Blue blood! Ah, blue blood!  
  
I must admit, this is probably my favorite male solo in the whole show. Tolloller's voice was perfectly matched to the whole thing, and I think I spotted more then one new fangirl squeal in the audience. When the song came to its final conclusion, he graced the beauty beside him with a small smile full of charm.   
  
Phyllis shook his head and stepped back away from the group of peers. Moving to the Lord Chancellor's side he shook his head once again, before turning to them to sing, "My Lords, it may not be. With grief my heart is torn! You waste your time on me, for my heart is given!"  
  
Such news was not even close to being what they were expecting. Gasps crossed the stage and one of the peers ( the big scruffy one to be exact ) gave a weak faint. "Given?" they cried in disbelief.  
  
Phyllis took on a slightly dreamy look, nodding as he brought his hands together just under his chin. "Yes, given!"  
  
"Oh horror!" The peers erupted with their upset over the loss of the heart they'd all been trying for months to capture.   
  
The Lord Chancellor however was quicker then the rest. He spun Phyllis around to face him, obviously displeased with the whole situtation. This was one of HIS girls, and he felt it necessary to have complete control over them. "And who has dared to brave our high displeasure, and thus defy our definate command?" he asked, waving a fist in his anger.  
  
Trumpets blared the entrance, as he swung himself onto the stage, a la Tarzan ( thankfully minus the battle cry. ) "'Tis I, young Strephon! For this priceless treasure, I will fight against the world to claim her hand," he cried landing himself directly in the center of their group. Phyllis was at his side in an instant, clinging to him happily.  
  
Spinning his love he pronounced his claim on the beautiful ward to all the peers extreme horror. "A shepherd I, of Tokyo. Betrothed are we, and mean to be espoused to-day!" he sang. The peers looked at one another and repeated back what he said.  
  
Pulling Tolloller aside, Mountararat nodded to him and they both turned to the audience with mirrored looks of horror.  
  
'Neath this blow,  
Worse than stab of dagger--  
Though we mo-  
Mentarily stagger,  
In each heart  
Proud are we innately--  
Let's depart,  
Dignified and stately!  
  
Both turned at the end of their statement, walking to the back of the stage. The rest of the peers echoed their statements, puffing themselves up with their sudden lack of pride saying, "Let's depart, dignified and stately!" They in turn followed their leaders and the group of them lined across the back of the stage, each to give dirty looks to Strephon.   
  
Though our hearts she's badly bruising,  
In another suitor choosing,  
Let's pretend it's most amusing.  
Ha! ha! ha! Tan-ta-ra!  
  
With that they all proceeded to laugh at the fool that was so obviously beneath them, and made their ways off the stage. The Lord Chancellor pulled the the happy couple apart, practically shoving Phyllis off the stage. He tried to blow Strephon one last happy kiss, but the Lord Chancellor reached out to grab it before it could reach him.   
  
Brushing off his hands, the Chancellor returned to the pouting shepard. He cleared his throat, while collecting his thoughts. "Now, sir, what excuse do you have for disobeying a direct order of the Court of Chancery?" he asked crossing his arms and looking down at Strephon.   
  
Strephon gulped under that stern green glare. Gathering his strength ( and wits while he was at it, ) he turned away from the Chancellor and gazed out over the heads of the audience. "My Lord, I know no Courts of Chancery; I go by Nature's Acts of Parliament. The bees--the breeze--the seas--the rooks--the brooks--the gales--the vales--the fountains and the mountains cry, 'You love this maiden--take her, we command you!' 'Tis writ in heaven by the bright barbed dart that leaps forth into lurid light from each grim thundercloud. The very rain pours forth her sad and sodden sympathy! When chorused Nature bids me take my love, shall I reply, 'Nay, but a certain Chancellor forbids it?' Sir, you are Japan's Lord High Chancellor, but are you Chancellor of birds and trees, King of the winds and Prince of thunderclouds?"   
  
As he speech drew on the Lord Chancellor's expression grew curiouser and curiouser. As it came to its final end, he paused to think on it for a moment. Or maybe he was just trying to figure out where in the world he managed to pull such a pile of bull from. "No. It's a nice point. I don't know that I ever met it before. But my difficulty is that at present there's no evidence before the Court that chorused Nature has interested herself in the matter," he said shaking his head.  
  
"No evidence! You have my word for it. I tell you that she bade me take my love!" Strephon pleaded with the Chancellor. He had to see the truth in his words.   
  
The Chancellor's brow arched in disbelief. Now the little shepard boy was simply grasping for straws. "Ah, but my good sir, you mustn't tell US what she told you--it's not evidence. Now if you had an affidavit from a thunderstorm, or a few words on oath from a heavy shower, THAT would meet with all the attention they deserve," he said, with a dismissing wave of a hand.  
  
Strephon watched with growing annoyance as the Lord Chancellor turned away from him. "And have you the heart to apply the prosaic rules of evidence to a case which bubbles over with poetical emotion?" he asked, trying to draw the attention of the tall man back to himself.  
  
Strephon grabbed hold of his sleeve and the Chancellor pulled it away. "Distinctly," he said straightening his wig for a moment. "I have always kept my duty strictly before my eyes, and it is to that fact that owe my advancement to my present distinguished position." He crossed the stage in front of Strephon, as music sang out its opening notes.   
  
When I went to the Bar as a very young man,  
(Said I to myself--said I),  
I'll work on a new and original plan,  
(Said I to myself--said I),  
I'll never assume that a rogue or a thief  
Is a gentleman worthy implicit belief,  
Because his attorney is a...telepath,  
(Said I to myself--said I!).  
  
Strephon chased after him, trying to once again direct the conversation back to his current problem. The Chancellor simply ignored him and moved away once again to continue his story elsewhere.  
  
When I go into court I will read my brief through  
(Said I to myself--said I),  
And I'll never take work I'm unable to do  
(Said I to myself-said I),  
My learned profession I'll never disgrace  
By taking a bribe with a grin on my face,  
When I haven't been there to attend to the case  
(Said I to myself--said I!).  
  
Strephon chased after once again. This time however he didn't even manage to get in a single word as he tripped and fell face first at the Lord Chancellor's feet. The singer then proceeded to step on and over him to move again to the opposite corner of the stage.   
  
I'll never string the jury up by their throats  
(Said I to myself--said I),  
Just to make sure that my story floats  
(Said I to myself--said I),  
I'll never assume that the witness is a   
In Schwarz, Kritker, Esset, or Weiss,  
Because they're just running around like headless mice.  
(Said I to myself--said I!).  
  
"Just listen to me for a moment!" Strephon called trying to pull himself to his feet. Now he just purposely ignored Strephon, enjoying the sound of his own voice more. He stepped on him again as he made his way back to his original corner.   
  
In other professions in which men engage  
(Said I to myself said I),  
Assasins, Detectives, Lawyers, and Actors  
(Said I to myself--said I),  
Professional licence, if carried too far,  
Your chance of promotion will certainly mar--  
And I fancy the rule might apply to the Bar  
(Said I to myself--said I!).  
  
Nodding to himself, he straightened his robe. Strephon came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. The Chancellor simply spun around and waved at him. "Good day," he said and then immediatly left the stage.   
  
And then he was alone and he didn't have his girl anymore. Could his day get any worse? Of course!


End file.
